Healthy Ways to Release Suppressed Anger Safely

Recently I’ve noticed something interesting in my therapy sessions. Many of my clients struggle with suppressed anger and don’t know how to release anger safely.

It doesn't matter whether they have come to see me to stop smoking, or for anxiety, trauma, relaxation, or becoming more confident, many of them struggle to acknowledge their anger.

Anger can teach you where you are not taking care of yourself or where you need to set boundaries.

What happens when anger is suppressed?

When we don't acknowledge our anger it gets pushed down and held in the body. It often shows up as resentment, tension, or habits like smoking, overeating, gambling, excessive drinking, or drug use. These behaviours help avoid acknowledging an emotion that is actually normal and healthy.

When anger is held in for a long time, it can also contribute to other mental and physical health problems such as high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, a weakened immune system, heart disease, diabetes, and self-harm.

Ironically, suppressing anger can sometimes lead to sudden explosive outbursts when the pressure becomes too great.

I know how painful that can be. My own outbursts didn’t happen often, but when they did, they were usually directed at people I loved deeply. Afterwards I would apologise and try to make amends, but it’s hard to undo the hurt once those words have been spoken.

Why So Many People Suppress Anger

So why do so many people hold their anger in rather than safely releasing it?

Often it goes back to earlier life experiences. Growing up in a volatile household, being bullied at school, or living through stressful situations can leave us feeling unsafe expressing strong emotions.

Over time we may become hyper-vigilant, always scanning for danger and trying to keep the peace.

For many people, especially women, anger can become one of the most taboo emotions. If you show anger, you may be judged negatively or seen as difficult, aggressive, or unreasonable – even when your anger is justified.

No wonder so many people suppress it.

But anger does not make you a bad person. It is part of being human.

Anger Is Not the Enemy

Anger is often a signal that something feels unfair or that a boundary has been crossed.

It is the inner voice that says: "This isn’t right."

At the political level, anger has helped fuel movements for justice such as the abolition of slavery, women gaining the right to vote, and the end of apartheid.

At a personal level it can motivate you to protect yourself or someone you love – whether that’s standing up to unfair treatment at work or advocating for your child if they are being bullied.

Of course, we all know people can do terrible things when they become angry.  

But anger itself is not the problem. It’s your honest reaction to your feeling that you or people you love are being treated unfairly.

It is what we do with anger that determines whether it becomes constructive or destructive. Anger becomes harmful when it is used to hurt ourselves or others.

When Anger Is Suppressed

Many people try to get rid of anger as quickly as possible. But anger often remains in the body until we deal with it.

When anger has been held in for a long time, it may not always be possible to change the original situation. Sometimes the best we can do is acknowledge the feeling, process it, and then move forward.

For example, a boss may behave unfairly, but leaving the job may not be an option right now.

Feeling anger can be frightening, especially if you see yourself as a compassionate and forgiving person. But feeling anger does not mean you are becoming a bad person. You may simply be accessing emotions that have been buried for a long time.

Spiritual people are allowed to feel angry too. Sometimes anger is the first step toward self-respect and becoming more assertive.

Ways We Sometimes Bypass Anger

Sometimes we try to bypass anger without realising it. This can show up as:

• Premature forgiveness – forgiveness is important to fully release resentments and the past, but we can try to forgive before we’ve fully processed the emotions.

• Toxic positivity – believing we must always stay positive even when something is clearly wrong.

• Endless compassion for others while ignoring our own boundaries.

I’ve done all of these myself, including making excuses for people who harmed me.

Learning to acknowledge anger helped me stop doing that.

When anger arises, it can be your inner voice saying: "That wasn't okay. You deserved better."

Safe Ways to Release Anger

It’s helpful to have safe ways to release anger so it doesn’t build up inside you.

1. Do a Reality Check

Ask yourself:

• Is my perception of the situation accurate?

• Is something genuinely unfair here?

• Can the situation be made fair?

If change is possible, you may be able to take action. If not, you may eventually choose to forgive and move forward, but often we need to release the anger first before forgiveness becomes genuine.

2: A Simple Exercise: Write a Letter You Never Send

This is one of the most powerful ways to release emotions.

Write a letter to the person you feel angry with. Say everything you truly feel. Don’t hold back. When you’ve finished, read through it once to make sure you’ve expressed everything.

Then place it in an envelope with their name on the front. On the envelope write: "What I really want is your love and approval."

Research shows that writing down emotions and physically containing them can reduce the emotional impact of past experiences.

Afterwards you can burn the letter, tear it up, or bury it to let the feelings go. Personally, I find burning it very releasing.

Sometimes you only need to do this once, but if the emotions return you can repeat the process. This exercise can also help release guilt or shame about things we regret.

Other Ways to Release Anger

Different people find different approaches helpful. Some possibilities include:

• Hitting a pillow while expressing your anger, yell if it’s safe to yell and tell them why you’re angry. It’s very cathartic.

• Yelling into a pillow or in your car without disturbing anyone else.

• Journaling about your feelings can give you a new perspective and you may discover the fear the anger emerged from.

• Releasing emotions through art, dancing, or high-energy exercise like running, cycling, or swimming.

• Talking openly with a trusted friend about your feelings.

• Imagine the person in front of you sitting on an empty chair. Yell, scream, or tell them why you’re so mad.

The key is to express the emotion safely, without harming yourself or anyone else.

What Anger Can Teach You

Once the intensity of the anger begins to settle, you may find it helpful to reflect.

Sometimes the person who triggered your anger reminds you of someone from your past. If it’s helpful fully express the anger you feel towards that person as well.

Anger can reveal areas where you may not be taking care of yourself or where stronger boundaries are needed.

Seen in this way, anger can become a teacher rather than an enemy.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

If you'd like to explore this further, these questions may help:

• What were you taught about anger growing up?

• How do you usually deal with anger?

• Does that approach feel healthy and effective?

• Are there patterns in the situations that trigger your anger?

A Final Thought

Anger is often misunderstood, especially by people who see themselves as compassionate, spiritual, or caring.

But when acknowledged and expressed safely, anger can become a powerful guide. It can show us where our boundaries have been crossed and where change is needed.

Learning to listen to it rather than fear it can be an important step towards healing and emotional freedom.

If you feel that unresolved anger may be affecting your wellbeing, I can help you safely release anger and other emotions that may have been held in the body for many years. I use a mixture of approaches such as hypnotherapy, EFT tapping, EMDR, Reiki and other therapeutic techniques.

You may also find this helpful: How to Become Calm, Confident and Assertive.