Social Anxiety: How to Feel More Confident At Social Events

For many people, walking into a room full of strangers, making small talk, or speaking up in a group can trigger an uncomfortable wave of anxiety. Heart racing. Mind spinning. A desperate wish to disappear.

Hate parties and events with lots of strangers? You're not alone. But social confidence is a skill you can learn.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Social anxiety is one of the most common forms of anxiety, and one of the most misunderstood. But here’s the good news: social confidence is a skill, not a personality trait. And like any skill, it can be learned.

You Are OK

Social anxiety doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means your nervous system is trying to protect you, sometimes too much. With the right tools, support, and mindset, you can create real change.

Avoiding social situations might bring short-term relief, but over time, it reinforces the belief that you can’t cope, and that only feeds the anxiety. The longer we stay away, the harder it feels to return.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way. You don’t have to “fake it” or force yourself into situations that feel overwhelming. You just have to take one small step, and then another. Gradually, the situations that once felt frightening will start to feel safer and more manageable.

So, What Exactly Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety isn’t just shyness. It’s a persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. You might worry about saying the “wrong” thing, being seen as awkward, or simply not knowing how to connect.

Often, it’s not the event itself that’s scary — it’s the anticipation of it. The mind jumps to worst-case scenarios:“They’ll think I’m weird.”“I’ll make a fool of myself.”“Everyone will be looking at me.”

This internal chatter can become so loud that it drowns out everything else.

Simple Shifts That Can Help

1. Be Here Now

When we’re socially anxious, our attention turns inward: How am I coming across? What do they think of me?

Instead, gently shift your focus outward.

• Feel your feet on the floor.

• Take a deep breath.

• Notice something around you — a sound, a colour, a texture.

Anxiety lives in the imagined future. Bringing your attention to the present helps calm the nervous system. And remember: most people aren’t paying that much attention to you, and  many are just as worried as you are.

2. Don’t Try to Impress — Be Curious

You don’t have to be the most interesting person in the room. But it helps to be interested.

Ask open-ended questions. Listen with warmth. People respond far more to genuine interest than to clever conversation. In fact, being a good listener is often more powerful than being a great talker.

3. Tame the Inner Critic

The mind can be a harsh judge. We say things to ourselves we’d never say to a friend:

“You sounded so stupid.”“Nobody’s interested in you.”

When that inner critic pipes up, pause and ask:

• “Is this a fact — or just a fear?”

• “Would I say this to a friend?”

Replace unhelpful thoughts with more balanced ones: “I was OK. And I’ll be better next time.”“That was awkward, but it’s not the end of the world.”

Kindness to yourself builds emotional safety and that’s the foundation of confidence.

4. Take Small Risks

Growth comes in small, manageable steps. You don’t need to become a social butterfly overnight.

Try saying hello to a colleague you don’t know. Join a group conversation. Stay ten minutes longer at an event than you normally would.

Notice what went well — even the tiniest wins.

• Did you ask a question?

• Did you stay in a conversation?

• Did you express an opinion?

If something came out wrong, it’s OK to say: “That didn’t come out right — what I meant was...”

You’re human. Others don’t expect perfection — they’re not perfect either. We all make mistakes. Confidence doesn’t come from avoiding discomfort, it comes from learning that you can survive it and move past it.

Navigating Social Events: Practical Tools for Real-Life Confidence

So, this all sounds good in theory but what about a real-life event? A party, a wedding, a work conference where you know almost no one?

You want to go. But you don’t want your nerves to ruin it. Here are some practical ways to feel more grounded and in control.

Before You Arrive

• Plan an exit strategy. Knowing you can leave if needed can help you stay longer and feel calmer.

• If possible, sit near someone you know or who feels safe.

• Use a calming routine. Take slow, deep breaths before you go in. Repeat a simple affirmation like:

  • “Even if I’m anxious now, it will pass.”

  • “This is new, but I’m giving it a try.”

  • “I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to show up.”

  • “It’s OK to take breaks.”

  • “I’m doing my best.”

At the Event: Tools for Success

1. Circulate First

Instead of locking into a corner or sitting down straight away, walk through the event. Say a quick hello here and there. This helps you get a feel for the room and see where you’d like to settle.

2. Assume a Role

Having a role gives you a reason to talk to people and eases awkwardness. You might:

• Help in the kitchen

• Pass around snacks

• Run the BBQ

• Manage sign-in or name tags

Activity-based events like cooking classes or beach clean-ups are great because roles are built in so there’s less pressure to make small talk and some obvious subjects of conversation.

3. Bring a Buddy (if possible)

A trusted friend can be a grounding presence. They don’t have to stick by your side all night but knowing someone familiar is nearby can make a big difference.

4. Use a Prop

Hold a drink, a plate of food, or very occasionally your phone. Having something in your hands can help you feel more anchored and give you a moment to pause without feeling exposed.

5. Keep Questions Handy

Having a few conversation starters in your pocket can ease the pressure. Try:

• “How do you know the host?”

• “Have you been to this event before?”

• “What do you do outside of work?”

• “Any good shows or podcasts you’ve discovered recently?”

• “Any fun weekend plans?”

Remember: you don’t need to talk the whole time. People appreciate being listened to.

6. Take Breaks as Needed

If it starts to feel like too much, excuse yourself for a few minutes. Step outside. Find a quiet corner. Breathe. You haven’t failed — you’re caring for yourself.

7. Catalogue the Wins

Notice what went well — even the little things:

• “I made it here.”

• “That chat wasn’t so bad.”

• “I found a friendly face.”

• “I came up with a question!”

• “I talked to three people — normally I talk to no one.”

• “I stayed longer than I thought I could.”

Small wins matter. Celebrate them.

After the Event: Let It Be

You survived the event. Well done.

Now, resist the urge to replay every awkward moment or perceived mistake. That “postmortem” just feeds anxiety. Instead, remind yourself: “I’m learning how to socialise more confidently. I’m making progress.”

Mistakes are part of growth. It’s how we learn. The fact that you showed up is something to be proud of.

A Final Word

Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling anxious. It means being willing to show up even if you are nervous.

If you’d like someone to walk alongside you as you learn, I’m here.

Looking forward to your more confident future,

Mark ThomsonTherapist, Coach, Human Being (who gets nervous too)📞 07812379351📧 mark.thomson56@outlook.com🌐 https://www.calmmindhypnosis.com/