The Healing Power of Acceptance: Let Go and Find Peace

By Mark Thomson Therapist, Coach, Human Being at calmmindhypnosis.com

A Life-Changing Loss

On June 17, 2012, at 5:15 a.m., my life changed forever. I found my wife’s body on the dining room floor. In that moment, everything fractured.

The grief that followed wasn’t just emotional; it consumed every part of me. Yet somehow, in the years since, I’ve found not only healing but a deeper understanding of what it means to live, accept, and grow.

Acceptance as a path through grief

Grieving is, at its core, learning to accept the unacceptable. No one prepares you for that.

For two years, I tried to hold everything together - managing the estate, supporting our son through university, working a demanding job - all while living in an empty house full of memories.

But I remembered a friend who’d become stuck in grief for years, hardened by bitterness and resentment. I didn’t want that to be my path. So, I made a conscious choice: I would face the pain instead of fleeing it.

That shift - toward acceptance rather than avoidance - became the foundation of my healing. And it led to marrying a wonderful woman and retraining for a more fulfilling career as a therapist.

Emotional Healing Through Acceptance

In the years since, acceptance has continued to shape my inner life. I finally made peace with the difficulties I’d had with my father and then decided to take it a step further. I committed to accepting my whole past, including the regrets and things I wish had been different.

Then came the next leap, accepting every part of me, even the bits I’d long wanted to change.

These decisions didn’t fix everything overnight. Acceptance isn’t a magic switch. It’s a practice, something I return to when I need to. But over time, I’ve noticed a shift into less stress, more energy, and a deeper sense of peace as my inner conflicts start to drop away.

Why We Avoid What Hurts

Growing up, I never learned how to accept pain, I learned to escape it. I became a compulsive reader as a child, disappearing into books to avoid uncomfortable feelings. There are so many escapes we can use, including food, alcohol, work, gaming, scrolling, gambling, drugs and sex. Whatever the escape, it only relieves pain for a moment. Then it returns, heavier for being ignored.

I also learned to repress emotions, to stay strong, push things down, and “get over it.” But repression isn’t strength. It’s internalised struggle.

As psychotherapist Russ Harris, a leader in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), points out, many of us are taught to control emotions instead of feeling them. Messages like “Don’t cry” or “Smile!” create shame around vulnerability. Beneath the brave faces and pretty Instagram pictures, many of us are struggling.

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy offers a powerful shift: Accept what you can’t control. Commit to change what you can.

It’s not about passivity. It’s about power - the power to choose your response, even when life feels overwhelming.

In one ACT metaphor, struggling with painful emotions is like wrestling in quicksand: the more you fight, the deeper you sink. But when you stop struggling and accept, you can begin to float and find your footing.

The Illusion of Control

So much of our suffering comes from trying to control what we can’t: the past, the future, other people, or even our emotions.

Outside Our Control:

• Thoughts, feelings, and memories

• Other people’s choices or opinions

• Illness, aging, loss

• The past or future

• The news, weather, the economy

Within Our Control:

• How we respond to our thoughts and emotions

• How we react to other people’s choices and opinions

• The actions we take

• The values we choose to live by

• How we care for ourselves

As Russ Harris says: “The more we focus on what’s outside of our control, the more disempowered we feel. The more we focus on what’s within our control, the more empowered we become.”

Acceptance opens the door to emotional freedom.

Seven Ways to Practice Acceptance

“The point of power is always in the present moment.” — Louise Hay

Accept Yourself Completely - Value all parts of who you are, even the bits you want to improve. A powerful affirmation: “I love and accept myself exactly as I am.”

Be Honest with Reality - Denying reality doesn’t change it. Facing what is, honestly and openly, is the first step toward change and growth.

Take Responsibility - Acknowledge your part in past outcomes without blame. Mistakes aren’t failures; they’re lessons.

Practice Self-Compassion - As bestselling author Louise Hay reminds us: “I found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to know how to love yourself."

Acknowledge Your Strengths - Don’t just focus on flaws. List your strengths and accomplishments. If you're like me it's easier to see the flaws so maybe ask others to help you see what you overlook. Remembering the positives helps you to love and accept yourself more.

Notice Emotional Reactions - When you feel anger, sadness, or fear, pause and check in. What message might the emotion hold? Acknowledging feelings, rather than fighting them, trying to change them, or ignoring them, allows them to soften and diminish.

Listen to Your Body - Physical tension often signals resistance, and the need for acceptance. Breathe into the discomfort. Practice relaxing and loosening up while holding space for difficult emotions and issues. Breathe more deeply and slowly and notice where you feel the challenging issue in your body. Perhaps you need to challenge or let go of any unhelpful thinking that keeps you stuck.

Acceptance Isn’t Resignation

Let’s be clear: acceptance doesn’t mean approval or giving up. It doesn’t mean saying “This is okay.” Acceptance means saying, “This is what is.” That shift creates space for healing.

In Secrets of Aboriginal Healing, a man battling illness is told by a healer: “You’re not here to fight it. You’re here to accept it - then let it go."

That message stayed with me. We can’t heal what we don’t first acknowledge. Pain isn’t the enemy, resistance is.

Final Thought

You cannot create a new reality until you fully accept your current one. Acceptance isn’t the end of healing—it’s the beginning.

🌐 Learn more about healing with me: calmmindhypnosis.com

🌐 View a 3 minute video on how to accept emotions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCp1l16GCXI&t=4s